STUDENT TEST ANSWER OF THE DAY (it’s finals week)
Question: “where is the most scenic railway route in South America located?”
Answer: “Massachusetts”
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY:
(I know this wasn’t covered in my education degree)
Student: Can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: It is only a half hour class, I don’t let anyone leave.
Student: I just had an I.U.D. put in and I really have to peeeeeee!
Teacher: WAY to much information!
Student: Well, if I pee all over the carpet you’ll just get all mad.
Teacher: I never said that.
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY:
(first half hour on the first day in a new school district. We’re playing, “Two truths and a lie for an ice breaker. All of the class has gone except Jimmy)
Teacher: Jimmy, you haven’t gone, what are your Two Truths and a Lie?
Jimmy: FUCK OFF!
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY:
(Mom called university admissions checking on son’s application. I said we didn’t have it.)
Mom: What do you mean you don’t have it; I submitted it myself.
Me: You submitted your son’s application for him?
Mom: Yes, m’am after I finished it I’m sure I submitted it. Me: Well m’am even if you did hit the submit button and we had it, we would have to cancel it
Mom: For what reason?
Me: You just admitted to filling out the application for him. Students sign the application saying they are submitting their own work.
Mom: Well that’s just bull, I’ve always been signing his name his whole life and besides he’s not 18 yet so I need to sign his name (hmm, I guess 18 is the magic age to learn to write your name) .
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY:
(Call from parent about student’s application to a University)
Me: We never received his ACT scores so his application was not reviewed.
Dad: Well did he know that you didn’t receive it?
Me: Yes we emailed him twice.
Dad: Well he doesn’t read emails. he only responds to texts. Did you text him?
Me: No we don’t do that.
Dad: Well you should; you just don’t know this generation. They only respond to texts.
Me (to myself): Well maybe you need to text him yourself and ask him to text ACT and ask them to send the test scores to us.
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY:
(using peer evaluations to assess their work)
STUDENT: I’m not sure what they mean here on the third item.
TEACHER: They are sitting right there, just ask them.
STUDENT: Oh… I don’t like talking to people, it scares me.
TEACHER: You’ve been talking and interrupting me since the first day of class.
STUDENT: That’s different, you’re not a person, you’re a teacher.
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY:
Mr. Smith: You need to get to work on your business spreadsheet, you haven’t done anything on it.
Student: I don’t know what I’m doing, you never told.
Mr. Smith: The class has been working on this for 5 weeks. Did you think to ask me as you sit next to my desk?
Student: Well, I’ve been on vacation!
Mr. Smith: No, you’ve been on out of school suspension
Student: it’s the same thing, my home time is my vacation time.
Mr. Smith: Google docs are now available in homes around the world 24/7! You could have been working on it all week.
Student: Nah, not for me, out of school time is my personal time. It’s like vacation time. I don’t do any school work there.
Mr. Smith: But, you don’t do any work here. When do you actually work?
(Class went from snickering to laughing)
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY:
(The students were given two days prior to the exam with the essay questions in hand to pre-write and prepare their essay responses)
Student: (During exam) Here is my exam essay. It is not finished, I did not have enough time.
Teacher: What have you been doing the last two days?
Student: Nothing.
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY:
The student received their final exam. Immediately they turned in their exam study guide and said, “Go ahead and grade it!” So I took out my pen and wrote a giant “F” on the front of it and he yelled, “Yessss! a ‘F’ for effort!” This sums up my joy for 1st bell so far this year.
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY:
Written in a student planning calendar: “Work on Ruff Draft”
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY:
New Teacher: (on a pop quiz)”Which city did the Renaissance begin in?”.
Student 1 Answer: “London, Italy”
Student 2 Answer: “Rome was a continent”
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY:
Question: “Which part of the compromise of 1850 did the north like and which part did the south like?”
Student: “South liked having slaves. North liked to compromise.”
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY:
Student: “Harriet Tubman fought against slavery by taking a white man’s seat at the front of the bus”
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY:
Student: “Before the Missouri Compromise there were 11 free states and 11 slave states. Missouri became a slave state. Maine became a free state. Then there were 15 slave states and 15 free states”
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY:
Student: (While grading Shrek as a Medieval Romance Parody Power Points) “Dragon is an extravagant character because they no longer exist like they did back in Shrek’s time”
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY:
Student: (In English Class) “Is there a “N” in the word “English”?
Teacher: “How did you ever get this far in school?”
PARENT QUOTE OF THE DAY
Parent: “I wish your school had some sort of policy to keep kids from bringing their phones to school”
(Let that rationale sink in a little)
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY:
(during presentation about entrepreneurs)
Student: “… his net worth is like $130 million dollars so he’s like a billionaire…”
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY:
(In a presentation slide)
“He came from a poor family in Grease”
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY:
Teacher: “Next time your dad writes your paper for you, remind him to spell check also”
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY:
We are working on functions and formulas in Excel and I was sitting next to a student helping him think out the formula…….
Teacher: ok… now put in a colon
Student: where’s that at?
Teacher: hold down shift and the colon key
Student: huh?
Teacher:shift and a colon
Another student at table: “did she just tell him to go shit out his colon?!?”
TEACHER QUOTE OF THE DAY:
(why teachers come to work sick instead of staying home)
First day back to work from being out sick….. the sub reported that a fight broke out in my 7th bell….. slapping, punching, cussing , table desks were moved the whole works…… and get this……. between a guy and a girl! Then my kids told me they didn’t know what to do one day because the sub wrote…………. in CURSIVE on the board! 
?? * * face palm** One girl told me “I knew most of what it said because my mom writes in cursive!” I’m at a loss for words people…..
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY:
(a “Book Report” – with source citations of course)
STAFF QUOTE OF THE DAY:
(first day students were allowed to wear yoga pants and a young man thought he would join in the celebration)
Teacher: (Calls office) Hey, Sue, Jimmy Jones is wearing yoga pants. Are the guys allowed to wear yoga pants?
Secretary: I don’t know, what’s wrong?
Teacher: Well…. it just looks a little weird ya’ know
Secretary: What? Can you see his junk or something?
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY:
(Students are doing family genealogy research for a social studies class after 1 week)
Mr. Smith: How is your family history research project coming along?
Student: Great! I got it done!
Mr. Smith: Fantastic! How far back were you able to go?
Student: About 400 B.C.
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY:
Student: Mr. Smith, why do you always reply with indirect answers?
Mr. Smith: I don’t know Jimmy, why do you think I do that?
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY
(Subject: Human Reproduction)
Biology Teacher: ……. and that is how the sperm fertilizes the egg……
Student: I have a question
Biology Teacher: Yes Sally, what is it?
Student: Is it true, if your boyfriend chugs a lot of Mountain Dew right before having sex, you can’t get pregnant?
Biology Teacher: (Expressionless and horrifed look all wrapped into one)
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY: (6 degrees outside)
Student: Mr. Smith, they should have cancelled school today
Mr. Smith: Do you know where the rest of the world went today?
Student Answers: No?, back to bed? I don’t know?
Mr. Smith: A place called Work.
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY:
Student: Mr. Smith, when is this assignment due?
Teacher: Today is the last day of the semester
Student: Okay….. But when is it due……
Teacher: Today……..
(I guess I could have said they are due the day before tomorrow?)
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY:
STUDENT: (overheard a student leaving German Class) “Frau is a straight savage”
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY: (During semester exam week)
Student: Mr. Smith, when is our exam in here?
Teacher: Now…….
TEACHER QUOTE OF THE DAY: (visual)
“You know it was a good day of teaching when there is broken furniture in the hallway.”
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY: (visual)
A couple of game design students were trying to draw straight lines to lay out their game. I said try this and they said, “cool, you have a Mine Craft Pick”
QUOTES and FIELD TRIPS……
student drops off permission slip to go on field trip to Hofbräuhaus next Friday.
Student: so, Frau, when are we actually going?
Teacher: It’s on the permission slip.
Student: But I mean, when are we actually leaving?
Teacher: It’s on the permission slip. Did you look at it?
Student: We’ll, yeah, I looked at it, but I didn’t actually read it. I mean, it looks like a lot of information.
Teacher: 
?
*shows student departing time & return time*
Student: 
? Oh, so then what is 12 to 9?
Teacher: 12 to 9??
Student: yeah, it says it right here, see? 12/9
Teacher: that’s the date!!
Student: But I thought we were going next Friday??
Teacher: Today is the 2nd. In 7 days…a week…it will be the 9th.
Student: Really? Are you sure?? That doesn’t seem right.
Teacher: 
?
STUDENT QUOTE – Overheard in Study Skills Class
7th grade girl: are you two really brothers?
8th grade boy: yeah. He’s named after me, my middle name.
Girl: Awww! I bet you love him a lot.
8th grade boy: What???! I don’t LOVE him!!
7th grade (the little brother): Oh, man!! And I done gave him some of my jelly beans!!!!
How Students must perceive how teachers live out side of school hours
(Actually we sleep under our desks logged in for immediate response to student/parent questions)
“If you ever wonder how students perceive how teachers live. A student submitted his homework online at 5:30 on a Friday afternoon and followed up with an e-mail wanting me to verify if I got it.”
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY: (English Class and the name Mother Teresa came up)
Teacher: Class what does the author mean when they refer to Mother Teresa?
Student-1: Mrs. Smith, I don’t know who this mother Teresa is.
Teacher: (Explains about Mother Teresa)
Student-1: Really I don’t think I’ve ever heard of her….
Student-2: Ah…., I know who that lady is, she’s the one on the syrup bottle!
Teacher: No, that would be Mrs. Butterworth
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY:
(Students researching careers)
STUDENT: programmer jobs suck, they only make like $6,000 a month
Mr. Smith: how much do you think teachers make?
STUDENT: oh, I’m sorry for you then.
STUDENT: wow I need to give up on programming and be a CAO or CA or C whatever you call that job
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY:
(After school in detention for not working in class and missing assignments)
Mr. Smith: Do you remember why you have a detention with me today?
Student: Yes, for goofing off, not working in class and having missing assignments
Mr. Smith: And yet you spent all bell today goofing off.
Student: Because I wanted to make sure I had something to work on after school
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY:
Mr. Smith: If you’re not going to do any work in class and just sit here, I’m going to have you come in after school to make it all up in detention.
Student: Nah, I don’t really do the after school make-up work thing.
(Teacher note: He’s coming in Tuesday)
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY:
Student: Mr. Smith, do you offer extra credit?
Mr. Smith: No, but you already have an “A” in the class.
Student: I want a higher “A”
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY (E-mail – his grammar not mine)
Student:
Dear Mr. Smith
I know i have been slacking in you’re class and not taking it seriously and i apologize for that, i have been swamped with other classes along with after school activities. I could use my time more wisely in you’re class and i know that. I forgot to do the assignment. If there is any very hard extra credit that you are willing to give to me so i could make it up that would be very appreciated
Mr. Smith: Read the course policy I shared with everyone and have been over in class several times to decide which option you wish to use. Extra Credit is not one of those choices.
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY (from a colleague)
German Language student: Hey, Frau Smith. When I went home last night I called a hotel in Germany.
Frau Smith: Really?
German Language student: They answered the phone in German. Why do they do that?
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY (from a colleague)
German student quote, upon seeing a picture in our text of an older woman with white hair:
Student: “I’ve never seen a woman with white hair before. Is this picture real?”
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY:
Student: Mr, Smith, I need to take the quiz from Friday
Mr. Smith: Why didn’t you take it Friday?
Student: I was behind on the other assignments in your class, so I skipped the quiz to work on them.
Mr. Smith: Oh……
STUDENT QUOTE – German III
(whilst translating Christmas poems to recite, speaking to her group):
“I don’t really know WHAT it means, but I’m certain it’s the simple past of SOMETHING.”
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY:
Classroom phone rings (SFX: cisco phone ringing)
Secretary: Would you send Sally and Jimmy to see the principal?
Teacher: Sally and Jimmy you need to go to the principal’s office.
Sally: I think I’ll just stay here.
Jimmy: (Jumps from his chair and runs out of the classroom door)
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY:
Mr. Smith: I’m assigning you a detention
STUDENT: I’ll skip it
Mr. Smith: Perfect! I can go home early that day and play with my dog while you’re assigned to Friday school
STUDENT: I’ll skip that too
Mr. Smith: Perfect! I’ll go home early that day, cash my check and then play with my dog while they suspend you
STUDENT: I don’t care
Mr. Smith: Perfect! I’ll be able to teach other students for a change while you’re not here and then go home and play with my dog.
Student Quote of the Week:
Student: (Just walking Into class) “Hey, Mr. Smith I don’t want to hear your mouth today, just go on and send me to the office now”
Mr. Smith: Thanks for the offer, grab a seat and make yourself comfortable
Student Quote of the Week: (picking your major and careers)
(A conversation with a senior, who has trouble remembering how to copy and paste, on the last Day for seniors)
Mr. Smith: Now that you’re graduating, what are your plans?
Susie Student: I’m going to the local college branch and major in computer programming
Mr. Smith: (containing his sarcasm) Wow, that’s cool, why did you pick programming?
Susie Student: My dad majored in programming and he said it would be a good career.
Mr. Smith: Really? Where does he work?
Susie Student: Walmart
Mr. Smith: So he does I.T. for Walmart?
Susie Student: What’s that? He works in the store stocking and helping people.
Mr. Smith: Oh….. What are your plans after you get your degree?
Susie Student: I want to get a good job in computer programming so I can save money to go to beautician school so I can work in a salon.
(Classroom sound: you could hear a pin drop)
Student Quote of the Week:
(Me sitting at the front of the lab helping some students with their coding and design projects while two zoo escapees behind me jump up and run around every time I turn my back)
STUDENT: (Sitting to my left) Um… Mr. Smith.
Mr. Smith: Yes?
STUDENT: You’re about to snap aren’t you?
Mr. Smith: Yes. When it happens, no matter what you hear going on behind you, don’t turn around and look.
STUDENT: Got it!
Student Quote of the Day:
STUDENT: Mr. Smith I’m not sure what we’re doing and what I’m supposed to be working on.
Mr. Smith: Have you logged into the course software which has the complete class information, list of assignments, instructions and due dates?
STUDENT: No…..
Mr. Smith: That’s probably a contributing factor
Student quote of the day:
STUDENT: drops the F-bomb in class
TEACHER: Um, Mr. Smith could you come here please
STUDENT: What the F—- now?
Time for the first 2015-2016 STUDENT QUOTE of the day.
(The scene: student in hall talking to his boss from his school work program on his cell phone while the teacher watches)
STUDENT: Um, ya’ like I’ve got a blister on my foot. It’s like real bad so I can’t work today. Well I could if you really need me, but it’s a bad blister. Yes, uh huh. Okay. Bye.
TEACHER: What did you boss say?
STUDENT: I’m going to work today
TEACHER: (wide grin and a chuckle)
Student quote of the day (written inside of Christmas card):
Mr. Smith, I’m just gonna say you’re really cool. You seem pretty high-strung though. Relax!
(okay, I guess I’m back on my meds. for 2015)
A student asked me yesterday if I knew a person. I said yes, I went to highschool with her. I asked him how he knew her. He replied, “She’s my grandmother.”
That made me feel younger…..
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY (E-mail Regarding a late assignment):
Student: “I know I turned in my project 1 day late. but it shouldn’t be late because it’s turned in now. If it’s turned in, it shouldn’t be late now. Please help me figure out this situation.
Mr. Smith: I will now be working on a time machine to use to correct late dates on late assignments so they will no longer be…. late……
Student quote of the day:
Female Student, “Mr. Smith, for our picture project can I take a picture in the bathroom with my friend?”
Mr. Smith. (Stupid expression on his face)
Not a true, “Student quote of the Day” but close. The Business students are using floorpanner.com to layout their business. A sizable percentage of them had the “toilet” sitting in the showroom area. New point of sale theory? One had a small sports apparel store with 8 toilets in the men’s room directly side by side and three in the stock room if one might break. What am I missing here? Too many high fiber diets?
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY
German Class
One of my 9th grade students in German 1, after my “Rise and Fall of the Berlin Wall” presentation: “Frau, do think if that wall hadn’t fell, that it would still be standing today?” D’oh!!!! *Facepalm*
I guess I should have explained the symbolic use of the word “fall.”
Student Quote of the day:
Student: Mr. Smith, I didn’t log out of my account yesterday. I came in today and someone deleted all of my files
Mr. Smith: Yes, that sounds about right…….
Student: (puzzled look)
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY
Teacher: what is 2 x 20 ?
Senior: 12?
… you can’t make stuff like this up…..
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY
Student: “Mr. Smith you’re the computer teacher right?” “I do all kinds of programming on my computer”
Mr. Smith: “That’s great, what kind of computer language do you program in?”
Student: (enthusiastically replies) “English!”
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY
Being a multiple choice exam the choices for answers would be; A, B, C or D. Naturally, some of my students wrote “True”
STUDENT ACTION OF THE DAY
(Student looking behind the pull down map handing over the white board)
TEACHER: What are you looking for?
STUDENT: I just always wondered what countries were on the other side of the world
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY
STUDENT: My friend has a Golden Lab and I’ve seen a Black Lab. What kind of dog is a Meth Lab?
TEACHER: (Silence)
STUDENT EVENT OF THE DAY:
(My personal observation) I’m not sure what it means, but walking across the parking lot to the high school at 6:45 this morning, there was a pair of girl’s panties lying in the Parking lot. Things that make you think hum?
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY:
(After reading the morning announcements displayed on th eoverhead projector)
Announcements: “Located at the ATRIUM YMCA, 5750 Innovation Dr. Middvale KS 49205.”
Student: “Who is Dr. Middvale and why would he be in our announcements?”
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY:
Mr. Smith: “Jimmy, you’re five minutes late again. Where have you been and tell the truth this time.
Jimmy: I like walking my friends to lunch, so I took my time doing that and I really just don’t like coming to this class.”
STUDENT QUOTE OF THE DAY:
From our German Teacher:
Student: Frau Smith, I went home last night and I called a hotel in Germany.
Frau Smith: Okay…
Student: They answered the phone in German, why do they do that?
STUDENT EVENT OF THE DAY:
(Student drinking from a colored water bottle in class and acting a little silly)
Teacher: Give me your bottle please
Students: Why, because it is a distraction to you.
Teacher: (takes bottle and for some unknown reason take a sip)
….. It was filled with vodka